I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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