I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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