Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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