I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
