woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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