I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
