i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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