i don't like sucking hair
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
