I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
