he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
