I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
