so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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