Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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