walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
