but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
