Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
