Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
