I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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