dude i'm inner monologue high
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
