im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
