I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
