We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
