Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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