I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
