I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
