So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
