see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
