I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
