So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
