Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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