I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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