I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
