When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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