No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
