She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
