Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
