i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
