dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize