Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
