its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize