Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
