This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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