i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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