He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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