Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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