Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
