I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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