How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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