i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Fuck appropriateness.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Randomize
