How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
