is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize