so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
