Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
