If that was your dad, he is hot
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
