some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
