Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
