After last night, I could never be a politician.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
