If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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