The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
