who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
