I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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