You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
