If that was your dad, he is hot
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
