I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
