paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
