You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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