How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
