you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
